A mind that screams from within

I was writing this around 5 am
because I couldn’t sleep the whole night
and I still can’t
but maybe I’ll sleep tonight

And on days like these
I wish I wouldn’t wake up again

My heart and mind for once
agree on the same thing

Tired, exhausted
with no will to live

I find peace only
in deep, complete sleep

I laugh, I live, I try
and I will
but I can’t cry
as if it could let all of this
flow out from within

I have a mind that’s against me
most of the time
and I can’t argue with it
because somehow
it’s always right

The thoughts, the voices
the things I can’t escape
find me
even on slightly sunny days

Now it’s 5:27am
and I still can’t sleep

There are no voices
no thoughts
just silence

and it’s too loud
too eerie
to let me sleep

I wish I could say sorry
to myself
and to the person
I could have been….